Hello, and welcome back to the blog. It’s been a little while since I last wrote and I’ve sat down so many times trying to figure out what to say, pondering if there was even a point in this blog anymore. Since it’s inception, BBequines was where I shared the highs, lows, and everything in between of my journey with my horse —our rides, our growth, the quiet moments that made everything else make sense.
But life, as it does, has shifted…again.
Recently, in Queensland, we had a cyclone hit. This was my first experience with such a weather event since moving to Australia. Not only did we have to consider how to fortify our home and prepare for Alfred, but I also had to consider the safety of my horse.
Due to the threat of flooding, everyone at the yard moved the horses to an equestrian centre well in advance of Cyclone Alfred. It meant that the horses were to be stabled until it was all over. Flicka was a trooper in coping with such a change, especially given she only turned 2 in March.
After the cyclone, we then had to move the horses again. We couldn’t take them back to the agistment just yet because it was about four feet under water. We were luckily offered a spot at an agistment further north where the horses could be turned out.
The whole experience really took it out of me. I was about 33 weeks pregnant at the time and driving in bad weather to muck out and sort Flicka twice a day, all the while worrying about the impacts of the cyclone. The experience really gave me food for thought on how much I feel able to deal with in this season of life, and made me question – am I spreading myself too thin?
I began to research how people manage to make owning a horse and having a family work. I was desperate for some kind of solution so that I could continue to do what I love while growing our family. Unfortunately, what I found did not offer solutions to my own situation. It seemed that those who were able to make it work either had their horse on their own property or they had a very strong support network (or both for those really lucky ducks).
I do not have access to either of those things. It’s just me and my husband who is only going to have paternity leave for a few weeks and then I’ll be largely on my own every day. The yard is about 25 minutes away in decent traffic, it requires lots if poo picking, Flicka is a young horse who needs to start the basics of her training, she also has sweet itch which is a lot of maintenance, not to mention the general feeding, appointments, ripped rugs etc.
As a result, I made the incredibly difficult decision to part ways with Flicka and to give up my lifestyle of owning a horse. Not because the passion faded — it hasn’t — but because I’m now in a brand-new season of life: pregnancy and motherhood.
Pregnancy has completely reshaped my days and motherhood will do the same when it arrives. My body is different, my time will no longer be my own, and my priorities will change in ways I’m sure I can’t even anticipate. And so, in light of all the changes, I made the heartbreaking choice to press pause on the ‘owning a horse chapter of my life’.
I’ll be honest: I’ve struggled with what that means for this blog. Can I still call myself an equestrian if I’m not currently riding or no longer own a horse? (Just to clarify, I do still own Bo but he lives in Scotland so by owning one, I mean actively having a horse here in Australia). Do I still belong in this space if I’m not actively involved in a horses’ life daily?
The answer I’ve come to is: yes.
While considering these questions, I started to feel a bit of imposter syndrome, like I don’t belong or can’t contribute to the equestrian industry anymore. However, I’ve realised that being an equestrian is more than riding or owning a horse. It’s a part of who I am. Horses shaped me long before I began the journey to starting a family, and I know in my heart they’ll be part of my story again in the future — in some way, shape, or form.
So while the content of this blog may look a little different, I still want to carry on writing. I won’t have my Monthly Muster posts but I still have stories to tell — about the lessons horses taught me that I’m now leaning on in this new season of life. About missing the sweet smell of hay, dreaming of future rides, and staying connected to a world I love deeply, even from afar. I’m hoping I will be able to keep up some level of engagement with the equestrian world, whether that be through lessons, going to shows, books I read or perhaps even a share horse further down the line.
Here’s to doing my best to be open-minded in this season of much change!
Happy Horsing!
BBequines 