Hello, and welcome back to the blog.
Every year I sit down to write a post about my intentions for the new year. It is something that I normally look forward to; I’m usually full of motivation and aspiration, excited for the fresh start that comes with the new year.
However, this year as I sat down to write my vision for the year, my mind drew a blank. My heart was just not in it. I thought about some intentions I usually have such as “read a book a month” or “ride more” or “blog more” or “exercise 3x weekly” but they just were not sitting right with me. In fact, I felt like I didn’t even care about those things.
As New Year’s Eve approached, I was feeling quite deflated at not knowing where I wanted to head this coming year. Social media has a great way of making you feel like what you are doing isn’t enough; that you should be striving for more. I’m at a point where I don’t want more, I actually want less.
Then, I was sifting through some of Karen Rohlf’s podcast episodes on ‘Horse Training in Harmony’ and went back to her first episode of 2023 entitled ‘Cycles’. Here, she spoke about how she too didn’t feel inspired with goals at that time, but rather she was searching for stillness. She mentioned the idea of breathing. The inhale being the power up, the inspiration, the learning, the motivation and the exhale being the start of letting go, the come down. This is then followed by a pause. It is in that pause where I wish to be.
2024 has been probably one of the hardest years of my life. When I consider what I had wanted it to be, I thought of a lovely extended walk, where you are moving freely in a supple manner with purpose, covering the ground in a steady means. This is not how it turned out for me.
Picture a field that has been rained on for a number of weeks. It is wet and muddy. You are trudging through it and in the beginning it is manageable, just a little sticky and slippery. Then something happens which causes your boot to get stuck, you fumble around trying to deal with the situation before eventually putting the boot back on and carrying on. But now the boot is heavier and it’s that little bit harder. This happens over and over again until eventually, you can barely lift your feet. You are struggling to move forwards each time it happens and you feel like you couldn’t possibly go any further, but you do, just much more slowly. You are weighed down. That has been my 2024.
Now that is not to say there have not been any positive things this year, there absolutely have. I am so blessed to be expecting our first child in 2025 and we got permanent residency in Australia, as two big examples.
Unfortunately however, it has been somewhat overshadowed by other events such as two deaths in my family, losing my wonderful horse Harry and struggling to merely keep up with the constant demands and stress that kept presenting themselves.
So, when I think of where I’d like to be at this time next year, I don’t feel that adding more expectations and goals is actually helpful. I am craving a pause for 2025. I’ve been holding my breath for such a long time trying to get through some very challenging situations and I am now on the exhale. I am beginning to let go and eventually, I will reach that pause. The pause will allow me to cultivate a peaceful heart that enjoys the space between without the pressure of achieving. That is my only focus, to come to a space of being. The rest is free to occur as it likes and I aim to be present to accept it as it enters into my life.
This is the approach I will also be taking in my equestrian life. I often go through phases of being super motivated to learn and plan and ride and train, but there are also times where I just want to be with my horse and enjoy the pause.
Flicka turns 2 years old in March and so there is absolutely no need for pressure to start doing things with her. Sometimes, I feel I should be doing more but to be honest, it’s not what we both need. If, as the year goes on, the motivation arises to start working with her a little on some groundwork, then I will. But for now, we will just enjoy being together.
Here’s to a finding the pause and stillness in 2025.
Happy Horsing,
BBequines 